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Time to Reflect

One of my Facebook memories today was that my website went live 2 years ago. A timely reminder that it desperately needs updating, something I’m not so good at, Daniel from DLS is great and as soon as I ask him to do things he does, it’s me that just doesn’t send him things despite all good intentions. With the website needing an update is also a prompt for me to reflect on all that has happened since then. I remember the day so clearly sat by the computer crying, feeling fearful, anxious, I was putting myself out into the world. Yet these fears were of course irrational, I’d been working in this field since 1997 when I took those first tentative steps on a Reflexology course, another day I remember well. So if in 2017 I’d already been doing my thing why was I so ridiculously scared to the point of feeling sick? A thread of fear, doubt, anxiety, lack of confidence, so many things swirling around my brain that day, it felt so final and yet up to that point I’d worked for 20 years with so many people who had put their trust in me, so many organisations and charities had known that I would care for their groups of vulnerable people in this country and in Bosnia. I knew that I was capable and yet the dark wolf was snapping at my heels. I’m sure many of you reading this recognise those thoughts and feelings. Much shadow work has been done, more still to be done, shadow work is always needed and it’s daft to think otherwise, something that came up very clearly during my recent time in Sweden (more to come on Sweden soon.) It’s also interesting how when people say you can do it, that you naturally have the ability, then somehow that piles the pressure on the shoulders even more, what if they’re wrong? What if I can’t do it? What if I don’t meet their expectations? This is of course all about me; it’s nothing to do with them.

Despite all the woes, the fears, the doubts, I’ve loved this journey and even though I had that initial reluctance to take that first step I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’d wanted to go on a course just to learn a little about aromatherapy and signed up for one in Haworth, unfortunately the take up wasn’t enough and after a couple of weeks it folded. I went to Keighley College to see what they had, all they could offer me had “exams” this wasn’t what I was looking for, the lovely tutor told me I didn’t have to do the exams I could just come along see how I got on and decide along the way if I wanted to take it further. Then she broke it gently to me that the aromatherapy was fully booked and suggested I started with reflexology, but I’m not interested, don’t want to do that, and again there’s exams, as you can see exams seemed to be a bit of an issue for me. Anyways somehow that lovely lady had me signing up and quite literally I have never looked back and it is most certainly is the best thing I ever did. It took me way out of my comfort zone and reflecting back on the past 2 years I’ve taken myself out of my comfort zone time and time again and each time has reaped rewards in so many ways on so many different levels.

Over the years I’ve worked from many beautiful spaces and now I’m looking for a new one. We have recently moved to Ingleton which means I need somewhere closer to our new home to work from a space to create a sanctuary for others to come and be nourished, nurtured and sometimes taken out of their own comfort zone as they step onto their own healing journey and begin to do their own shadow work. Somewhere to create each woman their own “yoga nest” to sink into and just be.

Since moving I’ve been travelling back and forth to see clients and continue with my Well Woman Yoga classes but aware that this is not sustainable not only for me, but it means that my carbon footprint has increased considerably which doesn’t sit well with me in any way shape or form. I’m a firm believer that Sacred Activism starts at home and that each small action/change that we make can have a rippling affect all around us and as each of us does one small thing, each small change adds up to one big change for our beautiful planet.

I’ve also been spending time looking after hearth and home, we’re getting there, still several unpacked boxes, still things looking for new homes,, still some bits at the old house, but we are starting to find our way around the new home and surroundings. Daniel the Spaniel absolutely loves it here, but his separation anxiety is still there, but I hope that soon once he realises that this is his new home all will be well and that the beautiful garden that he has to run around in will always be here for him. Hopefully we will be able in time to convert one of our spaces into a place for me to work from and that will be even better. We’ve eaten delicious vegetables from the raised beds and I’m so excited to be able to grow my own vegetables, I just need to learn what to grown when. I also look forward to growing plants that can be used for natural dying. The deer visit our garden, the starts are amazing and I can lie in bed watching the moon. I have a beautiful creativity space and look forward to winter days of crafting and creating in many ways.

The time to reflect has also been a prompt to slow, I’ve seen so many recent posts on Facebook about people liking Autumn as it gives them time to slow, to sink down and be. As I’ve been wandering around I’ve been looking at the abundance of the trees around us, rich in berries and nuts and thinking I’ve not yet got round to making my usual Autumn offerings, but today I realise it’s ok, it’s ok if this year I don’t make any at all. It’s ok this Autumn to take my time to pause and settle into our new home. I have so many ideas dancing around my brain, that at times I feel I don’t know which way to turn, which to do, how to do it, when to do it and I realise I need to just sit with them, journey with them and wait for things to process, but ensure that this process doesn’t become procrastination! Also, there is much rune work and reading to be done.

The runes make me fizz with excitement and they are definitely bringing me so many wonderful ideas and great joy. I have already begun with my “Lagu Runic Potions” and there is much more to come. Another chapter is unfolding. At times of change it can be easy to forget that as Imelda Almqvist my Seidr tutor says “destruction is in service to creation” I hope I haven’t misquoted her. Death becomes rebirth, chapters end and new ones begin. Perhaps one of my new chapters will be to write regular blogs and newsletters who knows? One thing I do know is that exciting things are happening.

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